im such a carefree person

this few days, seriously many things happened. Friends and family matter. since small, what i wish is to have a peaceful family. where there are no argument. but from my sister, i was told that after my dad failed in this business ever since, this house had never been peace. i was born in the family where i keep on hearing my mom and dad will argue. seriously until now i don't understand what is the point of arguing, every time they issue that they argue seriously can be solve just by sitting down and talk it through. but i don't know why they just like a cat and dog, when ever there is a point where they can't agree with each other, they will start shout  and the war will start. they just don't understand when ever they argue it just make me and my sister sad and many times.we feel like moving out from this house.

i really don't know why my stupid father, he just can reasoning with us..whenever it does he will said all i said you all won't hear and don't even bother. but the fact is what we said i correct, he just can't admit that he is wrong. Almost 60, can't he have a little bit of logical thinking? talking with him really stress, we just want to have a peaceful family, a family that can let jyun sheng grow up to become a great boy. sometimes i just hope he wasn't here anymore, this mind is just so corrupted, everything he think sure is negative and not even once he will think things that happen on the good side before he open his fucking mouth.

on my cousin sides,things do happen. my cousin his wife was a thai, by appearance she is a good girl, seriously i don't feel that she is such a person. after my uncle pass away that family never peace like what it was before. she like wanting to take control over the family and my aunt have been bullied by her ever since..my biao jie n biao ge work at spore so many things they can't handle, until now they finally stand out le, my biao ge and her wife now hide at thailand due to can't repay back the sharkloan, and they house in alor setar they going to sell it off.they don't want to recognized him anymore. why so many things happen? my biao ge last time so good to my aunt but why all change, my mom told is is curse, which the thai most good at. In this two years, many bad thing happen, even that is their family issue not mine, yet they once are so close to me, somehow will effect me. I just simply hope that everything will turn out to be good, but is it possible? haixz

My mood ain't really good since last week, where my parent start arguing until now. Seriously, i dislike twilight but still my buddy asked me.i promise him to go.i also feel like want to go out relax a bit, my mood at that time already calm down a lot.suddenly they start argue again. It just make my mood gone wild again, i told my friends i regret to promise to go for twilight, and her gf see it.she misunderstand it as i didn't feel like want to explain, as i feel that it will only make things worst. explaining it would just make me feel like i'm trying to cover up for what i just said. i saying it is because on that moment, what i want to go is a place where i can sit down and calm myself down. yet im being scold not being gentlemen and don't care what other people feels, maybe he's right but no one know deep down what is in my mind. haixz..

sometimes i feel that is there a person where i can speak to,without worries. i would want to talk with him,cl. but every time when i feel like talk with him, he just answer me with o.o okok...dont know what to say mah. when time long..it is normal that i won't find you to talk, yet im the one being accuse not to find him to chat. what i think at that time is what the hack is this?? but as my nature, i won't be explaining as it seems pointless to me.

just now when i told my coursemate about my stuff, she said i really good in hiding my emotional. she can't find out i'm sad or what, only when i told her, she only know that im in a seriously bad mood. to her she says that in class everyday see me laugh,smile and joke. doesn't seems like a guy with problem..but after telling her, she just notice im a typical EMO guy. maybe this happy face is the result of my training to cover up the sadness within me.

after writing out all this, feel much better.but i know what the moment i woke up from my dream, the reality is there..it won't goes off that easily. what i can do now is pray and hope for the best it can be..